ESCAPE TO NOWHERE
Ready for another tidbit of information… we were all teenagers at one time in our lives..boy crazy too….so perhaps you can relate to this excerpt… from my upcoming book!!! Who was your first boyfriend? How did you meet? Did you become a daydreamer… like me.. or did you jump in head first and find your “MAN?” Fill me in on those glory days!!!! Enjoy….
People wounded early in life often have trouble cultivating intimate relationships. Petrified to show their vulnerable side because their belief system tells them they will only be rejected once again, they may feel like damaged goods.
So what did I know about love and developing a healthy intimate relationship with the male species? You hit the nail on the head: Absolutely nothing! Couldn’t even open my mouth to say “hi” to a guy, never mind engage in a deep, meaningful conversation about life. Sure, I daydreamed of being Barbie–and Ken would be my gorgeous date. He’d sweep me off my feet and we’d fall head over heels in love and live happily ever after. Quite the fantasy world, wouldn’t ya say? Sure, I desired the real thing, but lacked a few of the main ingredients, namely self love and self worth.
I had lots of crushes on boys my age, but not one of them ever knew. Most of the guys were out of my league anyway. I went for the jocks– the handsome, athletic, outgoing types. Average looking, introverted, and far from athletic, it was a long shot that I’d ever attract that type of guy. I never did, which was a self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess.
I spent my high school years observing, an outsider always looking in. I watched couples as they paraded through the corridors hand-in-hand, giggling and looking all googly-eyed at each other. Life seemed carefree and frivolous, and I secretly desired their lives. In fact, I was quite jealous, as I longed for someone to hold my hand or sneak a kiss onto my cheek. I wanted my knight in shining armor to slip me a love note during Mr. Kennedy’s science class. Contained in this note would be an invitation to the senior prom. And of course, I’d accept graciously.
I envisioned us dancing the night away, holding each other ever so close. At the end of the evening he would say: “Pat, you’re my girl,” and I’d just melt into his arms. We’d be inspeparable and life would be bliss. After all, isn’t that how Romeo and Juliet came to be? Why couldn’t I experience that type of love? Oh, I forgot for one brief moment that I am a reject—how could I be so stupid? Sorry, for my forgetfulness!
I was nothing more than a hopeless romantic… would anyone ever love ME for ME?