MOTHERHOOD

Hi everyone… gonna walk down memory lane a little bit here.. reminiscing about motherhood. Perhaps my words will resonate with you.. perhaps not.. but I always LOVE your stories.. I so enjoy, when YOU too.. share a piece of your life!! So please do…

Wanting to be the “PERFECT” mom, as if there is such a thing.. trying to juggle being a mother, wife, nurse, caregiver… and get it all right! What was I thinking!!!!!

This scene is Patrick’s christening…oh boy, is it fresh in my memory.

I recollect feeling so out of balance that infamous Sunday afternoon in September. Totally worn out, a newborn and two toddlers in tow, a menstruating bloody mess (no pun intended!) It’s my missing wedding ring that sends me into a tailspin and pushes me over the edge. What follows this day goes completely downhill from here–I’m way, way out of whack…

Imagine the scene: Kids crying, Todd screaming “we’re gonna be late for church!” and I’m literally in my own world pacing the cage, thinking how can I escape, jump ship, abandon the crew? Maybe I’m not cut out for motherhood! Meanwhile, my inner critic pipes up, and says shut the hell up and get your now-good keister in the car!

Those dreaded words “get your ass in the car!” stir up old memories, and for a split second my father’s angry face appears in front of me before it bursts into flames. Intense rage seeps out of my skin, and a twisted knot forms in my belly and courses its way up to my throat.

I want to dislodge it, spew it clear across the room, but it stays stuck right where it is. Tightly restricting, it chokes me! An explosion of sorts appears imminent…That cold shiver shoots up my spine..Something tells me… it’s an ominous sign.

Any thoughts of what happens next??? Oh yeah.. it was a memorable day alright!!

© Patricia Bateson 2017
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