November, 2013

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Posted in Uncategorized on November 10th, 2013 with No Comments

Hi folks;   Looking back at the past…the memories.. the incessant thoughts … the emotions… Phew!!!! sure can bring up all kinds of stuff… here is a little taste of what was going down…. back in the day…enjoy and as always love your comments.

Juggling two families can be pretty tricky. When at Mom and Dad’s house attempting to extinguish fires, I experience tremendous guilt for abandoning my children and husband. Despite my remorse, however, when the home phone rings, I’m off and running–don’t want to look like the neglectful daughter! But, as we all know, looks can be deceiving…

My folks say “jump!” and I ask “how high?” I think I can fix them, make them happy. I give them all of me, but it’s never enough. Some days I can’t catch my breath, and feel frazzled all the time. Perhaps I’m heading for the loony bin myself.

The Pollyanna in me wants to believe they’ll change, that something good will come of this.. but it is pure fantasy. When did pleasing everyone become so complicated? What about me and my desires? When did I lose me? Better yet, had I ever found me?

At a family member’s suggestion, I seek out a therapist, a family counselor. Our first meeting necessitates lots of tissues.

“Tell me about your childhood,” she says.”

“Have you got about a year?” I mumble. The words pour out of me, I never realized how much I have to say, how much emotion is pent up inside.

“What’s in it for you?” inquires Amy the therapist. “Clearly you must be getting something out of this relationship or you wouldn’t be in it.”

What was I getting out of this tainted relationship? Wasn’t particularly happy with Amy for even asking such a stupid question….she thinks I’m getting kickbacks out of this hellish nightmare.. life of mine??? What could I possibly be gaining from all this chaos??

So…. what do you think followed? How did mamby pamby Pat handle this situation… give me your thoughts… Did I jump ship…did I hold onto them for dear life? Think outside the box.. cuz when ya think life can not get any worse… watch out!!! This nightmare was just getting started!!!

I’ll give you a hint… things got a whole lot uglier!!!!

What might you have done if you were ME>>>>>>>>.

   

  

© Patricia Bateson 2017
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