LETTING GO

Hi everyone….. Happy .. happy New Year to all…. may it be a time of joy and transformation..as YOU let your light shine.. and be that creative expression of love that.. YOU are!!! I look forward to truly SEEING YOU!!

MOTHERS…. the bearers.. nurturers…listeners.. lovers…supporters…protectors…A mother’s love is like no other… from birth to death… I learned from my Mom… the good… the bad.. the pure.. the evil…and in her passing.. she taught me one of my greatest lessons...ever!!

LETTING GO…and…. in this mystery school called life…”Somehow… a mother knows instinctively.. when to hold you… and when to let go”. (At the Heart of Motherhood).. I reckon.. this scene I’m about to share was one of those moments…a divine moment.. when my mom reckoned it was time to let go…..

Life is queer, with its twists and turns, as every one of us learns at some point. Have you ever held onto someone so tight cuz you just couldn’t let them go? You didn’t want to lose them because without them in your life, you might cease to exist. I have...

Two weeks after my father’s death, Mom is admitted to the hospital with congestion in her lungs. Initially, I think perhaps she’s simply exhausted, but soon realize that’s wishful thinking on my part. Not even close to the truth–just a stupid notion of mine, dreamer that I am.

When a loved one tells you they’ll be dying soon, listen up! Pay very close attention.. When Mom tells me she wants to join Dad in heaven, my life catapults into a state of frenzy. I pretend I don’t hear her, but she repeats the dreaded words again— emphatically: “I’m ready to die…”

So what do I do…like a numbskull.. I shut her out.. I stop listening–this is way too painful! I can’t eat..or sleep.. I think about her day and night, as I see clearly the signs of impending death. I don’t want her to go.. I need her…I can’t live without her…forever thinking about me.. so utterly selfish!!!

I pay mom a visit in the hospital four days before she dies, and upon entering her room notice the curtain draped around her bed, so I sneak a peek. Unprepared for what I see, I gasp. Attempting to give herself a sponge bath, Mom is clearly no longer capable of this task. She huffs and puffs, extremely short of breath. The tip of her nose is blue, as are her fingers and toes.

It’s extremely difficult to see her is this deteriorated condition… I know she’s not getting enough oxygen–not a good sign. She can barely speak.. never mind breathe.. I summon her nurse promptly, who rectifies the situation immediately with proper medication. Within minutes, Mom is calmer.. and so am I. And then…. I do the unthinkable…it just happens…without thought or contemplation.

I climb into her bed and drape my arms around her. She snuggles her head into the nape of my neck.. We hold each other tightly. I smell the Prell shampoo in her silver white locks of hair, so fresh and clean, like a warm summer’s day…I gaze deeply into her eyes. Neither of us speak..

SORRY.. that’s all for now….I know.. I know.. you want more…you want to know what happens.. and  I keep leaving you hanging….. but there is soooooooo much more…I promise! and it just get better!!! LETTING YOU GO.. for now… no pun intended

Any memories or thoughts you have.. love to hear from YOU…for YOU inspire me!!!

Peace to all

Pat

 

 

© Patricia Bateson 2017
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