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THE POWER OF THE MIND

Posted in Uncategorized on June 24th, 2015 with No Comments

In 2006 I had the privilege of meeting Dr. Edith Eva Eger at a wellness retreat for women cancer survivors, called Life Beyond Cancer. Dr. Edie is a world renowned author, psychologist and speaker who shares her tragic to triumphant story about her life as a holocaust survivor. Her journey has lead her to now.. tell her tale, speak her truth and empower others to discover their hidden potential and thus live their best life.

Dr. Edie lost both her parents to the hands of Dr. Mengele also known as the “angel of death.” Brutality on all levels nearly cost Edie her own life, but for the grace of God, she survived.

At this retreat, I learned so much from this incredible woman, and truly feel she helped change the course of my life with her words! I wish to share some of her heartrending messages with you now.

Dr. Edie’s mom told her as a child, “No one can take away from you what you put in your mind.” Those poignant words just may have helped save Edie’s life as she rarely allowed the “hell” of daily life in Auschwitz, to take her to the brink of despair. She allowed her mind to whisk her away to happier times, and her actions and thoughts were often about having compassion for the other victims. She states, “the worst conditions can bring out the best in everybody. Pay attention to the words you put in your mind so you can empower someone.”

In my book titled “FIREWALK,” I quote Dr. Edie with the following. “There are no victims in this world, only willing participants. YOU can change your life at anytime. And, instead of saying , why me?? say what now.”

These two statements, altered my life that day in the most profound way. For these words pulled me out of my fear and despair and catapulted me into a warrior taking action to heal her life. It was a pivotal moment that I will never, ever forget! I was no longer going to focus on the what if’s and instead put my energy and focus into my own health and well being. It indeed was a choice, but one I knew in my heart, I needed to make! No longer a helpless victim, I became a victor…. a manifestor. That day.. that infamous day, I incorporated resilient, courageous and hope into my daily vocabulary, which also penetrated my psyche.

Dr. Edie stated in her Ted talk, “the biggest concentration camp is in your mind. The key is in your pocket.” I was able to take that first step to unlocking my own potential and begin the journey out of  my own mental prison towards freedom. It has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself!!!!

“Don’t allow anyone to define who YOU are. YOU are BEAUTIFUL because God doesn’t make junk.” This is what Edie conveys to her audience. I have to say, I couldn’t agree with her more!!! It has been a long, dusty, winding road, I kid you not.. but practicing self love is now part of my daily routine. Taking care of ME is a priority!!! It is not selfish, it is selfless~~

Today, I live in the present, for that is when I am truly alive. I celebrate the simple gifts in life which I reckon to be… extraordinary treasures. I am filled with gratitude for what life has taught me and the multitude of  blessings I have received. I have freedom, I have choices, and I own the key to unlocking my own potential. I am no longer a victim- I am a CREATOR and I consciously choose to create the most amazing life filled with joy, love and peace. It’s up to me.. no one else!!!!

I see life as my playground and I choose to have fun and delight in all that is. Magic and miracles are everywhere. Just open your eyes.. really open your eyes.. and you will see what this universe holds for you!! Life is really quite breathtaking, so enjoy the view!!!

You can read more about Dr. Eger in my book.. “FIREWALK” (path2healing.us to order) and watch her on youtube (What my Mama told me.) It is Tedx La Jolla. She just may change your thoughts, your mind.. and potentially….your LIFE!!!

I BELIEVE YOU ARE WORTH IT… DO YOU?????

 

 

STEPPIN’ OUT

Posted in Uncategorized on December 1st, 2014 with No Comments

A big hello to all of you…. my friends

Hope your turkey day was amazing.. I know I enjoyed the simplicity and beauty of this holiday. Love and peace filled my heart to overflowing as there is nothing like comfort foods.. friends and family gathered together to remind me of what is truly important in life!! So many new memories created and so much nostalgia . I feel soooo… blessed!!!

I welcome you to read bits and pieces of the final chapters of my book as 2015 will be the year of publication. Woop-e-la!!!!! I have indeed grown as a spiritual being with the process!! Trust and faith have lead me down this path.. and next steps… will unfold in due time. It is breathetaking to experience life from this viewpoint!!

Sit back and enjoy this next chapter!!!!

Often there comes a time in life when the downward spiral of despair and despair brings one to that place known as “rock bottom.” Dark and dingy, its putrid stench and filthy air keep constant company with one’s pain and misery–they’re your loyal companions for as long as you stick around and they want nothing more than to watch you squirm and suffer. They delight in this–it amuses them in a sick, tainted way.

Hitting rock bottom is daunting and utterly exhausting. One loses the fight in this hell hole or refuses to be swallowed up by this beastly bitch and realized there’s nowhere to go from here but up. It’s the sheer willingness to give life another shot because you’ve literally got nothing more to lose…truly at a crossroad, I know in my heart that changes are necessary if I want not only to survive, but to thrive.

Who can I trust with my life? Who will guide me? Can I really begin anew?

The even more powerful question is this: Can I drag myself out of this snake pit? Is it even possible!! Do I give in and give up, or do I fight for my life!

Am I willing to expose myself, let people in, and trust that I am supported in life. I just don’t know… I don’t know how, and that perhaps is the scariest part!!! I have felt alone, helpless, hopeless and abandoned for so long. Perhaps, it is just too late for me.

Have YOU ever been at “rock bottom,” like I was? Tell me.. what did YOU do to pull yourself out out of  your hell hole? What do you think happened to ME.. what did I CHOOSE?

THE MONKEY MIND

Posted in Uncategorized on September 22nd, 2014 with No Comments

Happy fall everyone:

Enjoy my newest excerpt. I’ve got a feeling many of my YOU will get this.. as many wrestle with the infamous “monkey mind.” Mine was a bit overworked, as you will clearly see. Never the less, it helped me to see my “truth,” so I could heal. Forever grateful!!! So enjoy.. and share some of your “crazies! if you’d like. Couldn’t be any zanier than mine!!!

One sheep, two sheep, two million and two sheepon and on my thoughts go. Hour after hour after hour. Night after night after night. Not a great sleeper to begin with–oh yeah, already told you that!–I go to bed exhausted and wake up even more fatigued. How is that even possible? Sleeping pills don’t do the trick–they merely induce a temporary state of lack of consciousness that relieves me from my incessant thoughts about the fact that I have cancer.

Turning off an active mind proves to be one of the most challenging feats of my cancer journey. How does one halt the negative thoughts that create mental, physical, and emotional turbulence–thoughts that trigger emotions that lead to more anxiety and stress.

My mind is cluttered and there’s no room for additional input. Basically on overload, my brain and I are burning out fast. Both breasts ache. Perhaps one has sympathy pains for the other. Who the heck knows? I’m pooped beyond belief. I wake up tired, go to bed tired, can’t work, cook, clean, or do any of the activities I once loved. Frustrated, angry, and sometimes filled with rage at all that’s happened to me, I dwell on the losses I’ve had to endure.

I feel melancholy, like a part of me expired, just like when Mom, Dad, and my dog Chris were taken away. It tears me up, cuts me to my root, and I feel totally destitute, like I’m all alone in this crazy world…like I’m living in hell here on earth.

Some days, God, I think life is just too much to bear and maybe I don’t belong here anymore.  I’ve been teetering on the edge of despair for so long, perhaps it’s time to call it quits.  Should I let go? Can I let go? What will happen if I do? I am filled with terror.

That’s all for now.. and YES.. I am in the process of making my manuscript into an actual BOOK.  woop-e-la!!!! On my way.. baby.. on my way!!!! love you all and thank you for sticking with me.. though crazies and all!!!

Demons, Devils, & Emotional Turmoil

Posted in Uncategorized on July 28th, 2014 with No Comments

A great big HUG to all of YOU who have been supporting ME on this journey of mine. I have received so much love and positive feedback regarding my book that it is NOW time for a physical book to manifest!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!! I am open to receiving your amazing.. positive vibes to assist me in the next step of this process. I can FEEL …SEE…TASTE this book…I envision it on the shelves of bookstores everywhere.. on the internet…around the world…And if it helps just one person.. then it will have been a success. I truly am so blessed… and I love you all !!!

Here goes with the next chapter.. Ohhhhhhhhhhh…the inner turmoil and what chaos it created!! I shudder just remembering the good old days!!!!!

DEMONS… DEVILS & EMOTIONAL TURMOIL

Soon I begin to ask all of the why questions: Why me? Why now? I consider myself–at the tender age of forty-five–quite healthy, and don’t think I fit the criteria of most women my age diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m really quite perplexed...fear lurks in every corner and I can’t escape the hold its tenacious claws have on me. Fear accompanies me when I wake up in the morning, follows me throughout the day, and escorts me into the bedroom at night. Demons dance in my head in the silence of darkness, sending evil messages from the neurons of my brain to every cell in my body. They control me totally, as if I’m possessed or brainwashed! I believe everything they say—completely! It is pure evil.

A vicious cycle with no end in sight, my clothes become baggy–I have no spare junk in my trunk. No longer able to hide my intense emotional, mental, and physical pain, I can’t deceive anyone anymore, especially myself. My body screams “help!” and I have no choice but to begin to listen. If not, my biggest fear seems inevitable: I might die!

Every day feels the same. Life is monotonous and humdrum, yet there’s an element of trepidation with each passing hour. Impatient, I want this ordeal behind me—let’s fix it, and move on! Somehow, though, deep down inside I know that ain’t happening. The bottom line: I can’t stay on top of it all and fall instead into a quagmire of deep despair. Maybe I don’t deserve to live anymore! Ultimately, when I dig deep into the heart of the matter, it really rocks my world. Am I going to survive this demon called cancer and, if so, for how long?

My life seems similar to that of a castaway on a desert island, yet this declaration is both bogus and ludicrous. I’m surrounded by family and friends who want me to lean on them, but I don’t even begin to know how to do that. Lean on someone? Accept help? I’ve been codependent far too long and know only how to give, give, give…receiving doesn’t come naturally–if at all!

SO.. WHAT DO YOU THINK TRANSPIRES??? ..DO I DROWN IN A SEA OF SORROW??DO I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.. I NEED HELP??DO I GO IT ALONE?? AND REMEMBER.. RECEIVING IS A FOREIGN WORD TO ME AT THIS TIME.. PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.. AND FEEL MY FEAR..CONNECT TO MY ENERGY… AND SEE WHAT ANSWERS COME UP FOR YOU!!!

CRASH COURSE

Posted in Uncategorized on June 14th, 2014 with No Comments

Hi everyone: Happy summer (I think!!!)

Enjoy this next excerpt from my upcoming book. Continue to  share your thoughts and feelings that my words may evoke in you!!! I love hearing from you all!!!

Ever felt like you just weren’t getting something… I dunno.. like the lesson.. the meaning.. the clear perspective.. so life throws you another curve ball!!!! Maybe…. you call it the “crash course” of life.. or “wake up call”, a “whack over the head”, or the lovely way of putting it…would be “a AHA moment!” Call it what you will..it can derail you… from everything you know and believe to be true, catapulting you into the chaos once again… How will you emerge????? The choice is yours!

The pathology report comes back clean, which is fantastic news– no chemo or mastectomy necessary for Pat! This turns out to be my lucky day! Radiation will be my next step.

I find Dr. A., my radiation specialist, through word of mouth. He comes highly recommended and his office is local. This saves me from having to run into the city every day for fine minutes of high dose radiation to eradicate this nasty cancer from my body– a huge plus!

We start off on the right foot, but our relationship hits a major bump along the way when my “girls” decide to pop out a few more lumps while I’m undergoing radiation. Just for kicks and giggles, I guess. The lumps appear on my cancerous left breast and feel just like my original tumor. Flipped out and frantic to speak to Dr. A., I have to meet with his partner instead, since he’s off duty. His partner doesn’t know my case well enough and recommends I wait two more painstakingly long days for Dr. A. to return.

Waiting for results when you have cancer is like a death sentence. Over-the-top exhausted and overwhelmed with concern, I don’t feel like eating or drinking, my brain is on overdrive from reading all the info on the computer about cancer.. I am fried…. overcooked.. I am spent!!

Two arduous days later at radiation, I’m kicked in the gut not once but twice.  First of all, I share with the radiation technologist that I have discovered two new lumps in my left breast. It takes a ton of guts for me to tell her this, cuz I feel really fragile right now. But I do.. I open up to her woman to woman– and she lets me down big time.. Wanna hear her response.

“What’s the big deal? You’re getting radiation to that breast anyway,” is her fuckin reply! I can’t believe she has the balls to say that to me, and by now my eyes must look like they’re about to pop out of their sockets. I roll off the table with my head between my legs and wander aimlessly to Dr. A’s office. I  attempt to get myself partly back together before our visit. Optimistic that he will have a solution to my overactive breast, I’m once again gravely disillusioned.

“Pat, it says here in you chart that you called repeatedly with your concerns about the lumps and were seen by my partner two days ago. He states that you were quite anxiousover the top.

I expect him to empathize with me, but instead he chastises me. Treats me like a child.. like I’m bad!!!! “I think you’re overreacting,” is what comes out of his mouth next. You need to calm down with all of this.”

I almost fall off my chair! This is total insanity! Somebody get me out of this nut ward! Toxic shame swells out of my pores. There’s got to be something gravely wrong with me–I must be defective! Doesn’t anybody get me? Doesn’t anyone in this joint have a caring spirit?

But as always.. I say nothing. I am nonreactive. How stupid, how silly, how utterly fake I am!!!!Why didn’t I speak up to him and tell him to pound sand, take a hike and never come back. Why do I simply sit here and not defend myself.. speak up for ME!!!

Don’t remember getting in my car to drive home after that incident. But I do remember one thing–crawling into my bed and calling Dr. A. every God-awful name in the book that hideous afternoon.

What came next was my “AHA MOMENT”…. my whack over the head.. can you guess what transpired from this mess!!!!! Take some stabs at this. and I will fill you in.. at a later date!!Think BIG!!!!

WAKE UP SWEET CHILD, IT’S TIME

Posted in Uncategorized on April 9th, 2014 with No Comments

Happy spring everyone…I am filled with gratitude for that warm.. yellow ball of energy in the sky.. illuminating every cell in my body with it’s wisdom and love….For the later.. lighter evenings that have come to pass.. and for a feeling of deep renewal for sweet mother earth.. mankind.. for the world!!!!

A new chapter of my upcoming book to share with you..it’s all about waking up and remembering… allow me now to slip back in time with you… to an extraordinarily unordinary day in the life of Patricia Bateson. It was indeed a moment in time.. like no other!

Here goes……….

I’ve been asleep for a very long time. Needed a sledge hammer cracked over my skull to get my attention and awaken me from my slumber. God was whispering in my deaf ear for years, but I neglected her advice. So one day God roars, and I bounce out of bed, land flat on my ass, gaze up at her, and say: “Ok, I’m listening now!”

Suddenly I become angry. In fact, my diagnosis–this cancer–fills me with rage! For a brief moment it paralyzes me, too–that’s the worst. I find myself attempting to take control even though my mind is reeling with anxiety.

Hours after receiving my diagnosis I schedule a meeting with one of the oncologists with whom I work, and believe me I’m so grateful to be seen pronto!! It’s the oddest sensation to walk through the sturdy oak doors of the clinic knowing that I’m the patient this time and not the nurse. I hate this–it feels so queer. It’s scary and I don’t like it!!!

“How are you doing Pat?” Dr. S asks. I’m fine.. I mutter. I’m such a friggin liar.. I  really want to tell him I’m panic stricken, heavy-hearted, desolate, angry, and close to jumping off the nearest bridge–in layman’s terms, I’m going cuckoo!!

I have tons of questions and he allows me all the time I need. There’s no hurry, no rush and I unwind a wee bit. The medical questions come easy.. what doesn’t come so easy though.. are the BIG.. life questions.. the ones that really weigh heavy on my heart…

Like..”hey doc.. oh…do you think I will be around to witness my three cherubs get married? What are the odds that I will be healthy and well to hold that first precious grandchild in my arms? Am I gonna grow old with my husband—my true love.. or am I going to suffer in misery and torment and live only a few months?” These and more are my burning questions.

But alas, I am unable to muster the courage to speak my truth. I see how this cancer diagnose affects my husband and three children. I see the frightened looks in their eyes. I sense their suffering and its killing me.. it’s all my fault.. yet again.

So, we leave the appointment that day with a gigantic elephant still sitting in the room. And that elephant’s name is called.. FEAR!!!

 

 

FALLING APART

Posted in Uncategorized on February 26th, 2014 with No Comments

Happy almost spring… I know I’m ready for blossoms, warm sun, green grass tickling my bare feet, and a delightful cup of pink lemonade to quench my thirst!!! Now.. doesn’t that sound delicious!!

Another excerpt. ..from my upcoming book. I can already feel thoughts and emotions rambling and running high.. as many of you have been touched by cancer through a family member or yourself. Who hasn’t???

Share.. share.. share your story with me and all the readers. One sentence may change the life for a fellow journey woman..as… sometimes.. that’s all it takes. Sharing heals.. sharing loves.. when you give.. you receive so much more!!!

Here goes nothin.. I remember this day eleven years ago.. like it was yesterday!!

I awaken from my breast biopsy groggy and sore, my left breast bandaged and the small pea-sized lump now gone.

“The preliminary pathology report will probably be ready tomorrow,” my surgeon says. Frankly, I’m quite optimistic, since the growth is so small, but I don’t hear from him the following day and my hope begins to fade.

Two days after my biopsy and several phone calls later, I receive my results: “YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER ,” I hear my doctor say.

Did he just say what I think he did? Am I crazy? He must have made a mistake. I can’t have cancer! Not me! I’m an oncology nurse–for God’s sake.. I take care of people who have cancer. Something’s very wrong, this can’t be happening!! Wake me from this nightmare someone–please!

Cancer, cancer, cancer..the words penetrate my psyche. Drastic words no human wants to ever.. ever hear! I begin to entertain all kinds of hair-raising thoughts.

“Pat, are you still there?” I hear my surgeon ask. “Do you have any questions?”

I want to answer him, but I can’t. Nothing comes out. Not a sound. I feel numb. I want to flee, escape this nightmare, but my body won’t move. My body feels paralyzed from head to toe.

I haven’t a clue what he just said to me! It’s a big blur, and all I can remember is the fuckin’ word cancer…how I abhor that god damned word!

 I don’t recollect saying goodbye or hanging up the phone. I just sit there…in the silence..already feeling oddly different.. not knowing what to do.. where to go..or what to say..  Knowing that my two daughters are right outside my bedroom door, waiting for me to appear! waiting for my results!!!

I remain idle…..can barely breathe…nothing feels right.. everything feels drastically wrong.!!

Minutes pass before I look down at the telephone lying on my desk. I pick it up gingerly and whisper what I didn’t have the guts to ask just moments before: “Doc, am I gonna die?”

Phew………so many more condiments.. so much more to come… how did I tell my family???? what were their reactions? How did I handle the news in the days, weeks and months to come?

Look forward to hearing from you… in love and light

THE DARKNESS

Posted in Uncategorized on January 20th, 2014 with No Comments

Happy New Year everyone:  May it be a year filled with self love… inner peace.. and radiant health.. may you prosper in ways you never imagined.. and may you give back..to those seeking the same path!!

Enjoy the newest excerpt from my upcoming book. It’s titled “THE DARKNESS”…….enter only if you dare!!

I miss Mom terribly. I miss seeing her face and hearing her voice. Visiting my parents’ apartment proves challenging. Dad’s deerskin moccasins sit by the front door as usual and Mom’s beige Cherry and Webb pocketbook is perched upright on the kitchen table. Everything is as it should be, yet nothing is the same--it’s all changed drastically. No one greets me as I walk into the kitchen, and that’s the oddest feeling in the world. I pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming. I’m not.

This is my new reality. My whole world turned upside down, I’m reeling still from the craziness of it. I walk slowly from room to room as tears cascade down my cheeks. I glance up at our family wedding pictures on the wall and am overtaken by sobs. Good times, bad times, whatever kinds of times, they’re all history now…

Overwhelmed, I realize my parents are gone-forever. I must move on, keep a stiff upper lip — it’s all for the best.

Can you imagine how I felt that day.. wandering around my parents’  apartment in a haze of doom, despair, and despondency. Can you feel my pain? 

So.. YOU.. my audience…those of you that have followed along from the beginning of this storyline… first of all.. I think you know me pretty well by now...sooo…congrats…NOW… what do you think happens next… even 6 months down the road from my period of falling into that deep, dark abyss I just shared .. does Pat keep a stiff upper lip.. like she preaches…. Do tell.. what Pat did or didn’t too to move thru the haze of dust, cobwebs and some very huge spiders!!!! Use your imagination and if it’s crazy, chaotic or bizarre you’re probably right on track!!! Look forward to your feedback

LETTING GO

Posted in Uncategorized on January 3rd, 2014 with No Comments

Hi everyone….. Happy .. happy New Year to all…. may it be a time of joy and transformation..as YOU let your light shine.. and be that creative expression of love that.. YOU are!!! I look forward to truly SEEING YOU!!

MOTHERS…. the bearers.. nurturers…listeners.. lovers…supporters…protectors…A mother’s love is like no other… from birth to death… I learned from my Mom… the good… the bad.. the pure.. the evil…and in her passing.. she taught me one of my greatest lessons...ever!!

LETTING GO…and…. in this mystery school called life…”Somehow… a mother knows instinctively.. when to hold you… and when to let go”. (At the Heart of Motherhood).. I reckon.. this scene I’m about to share was one of those moments…a divine moment.. when my mom reckoned it was time to let go…..

Life is queer, with its twists and turns, as every one of us learns at some point. Have you ever held onto someone so tight cuz you just couldn’t let them go? You didn’t want to lose them because without them in your life, you might cease to exist. I have...

Two weeks after my father’s death, Mom is admitted to the hospital with congestion in her lungs. Initially, I think perhaps she’s simply exhausted, but soon realize that’s wishful thinking on my part. Not even close to the truth–just a stupid notion of mine, dreamer that I am.

When a loved one tells you they’ll be dying soon, listen up! Pay very close attention.. When Mom tells me she wants to join Dad in heaven, my life catapults into a state of frenzy. I pretend I don’t hear her, but she repeats the dreaded words again— emphatically: “I’m ready to die…”

So what do I do…like a numbskull.. I shut her out.. I stop listening–this is way too painful! I can’t eat..or sleep.. I think about her day and night, as I see clearly the signs of impending death. I don’t want her to go.. I need her…I can’t live without her…forever thinking about me.. so utterly selfish!!!

I pay mom a visit in the hospital four days before she dies, and upon entering her room notice the curtain draped around her bed, so I sneak a peek. Unprepared for what I see, I gasp. Attempting to give herself a sponge bath, Mom is clearly no longer capable of this task. She huffs and puffs, extremely short of breath. The tip of her nose is blue, as are her fingers and toes.

It’s extremely difficult to see her is this deteriorated condition… I know she’s not getting enough oxygen–not a good sign. She can barely speak.. never mind breathe.. I summon her nurse promptly, who rectifies the situation immediately with proper medication. Within minutes, Mom is calmer.. and so am I. And then…. I do the unthinkable…it just happens…without thought or contemplation.

I climb into her bed and drape my arms around her. She snuggles her head into the nape of my neck.. We hold each other tightly. I smell the Prell shampoo in her silver white locks of hair, so fresh and clean, like a warm summer’s day…I gaze deeply into her eyes. Neither of us speak..

SORRY.. that’s all for now….I know.. I know.. you want more…you want to know what happens.. and  I keep leaving you hanging….. but there is soooooooo much more…I promise! and it just get better!!! LETTING YOU GO.. for now… no pun intended

Any memories or thoughts you have.. love to hear from YOU…for YOU inspire me!!!

Peace to all

Pat

 

 

TRUSTING IN A HIGHER POWER

Posted in Uncategorized on December 1st, 2013 with No Comments

Happy holidays everyone…

This blog is a fascinating and memorable one for me as I reminisce about the life and death of my father John White…It is with love that I share this.. it is my hope that you truly believe in your heart of hearts that miracles are always possible.. no matter what!!!! they were for me..

There are no coincidences in life; every event unfolds in divine order. Miracles can and will take place, if you’re willing to suspend all doubt and allow grace to flow through you. I’m forty-four years old when my dad decides to “graduate” from this earthly plane.

No great surprise to anyone in our immediate family, as truly he’s suffered a great deal. John White endured much mental and emotional pain his entire life and it was time for him to go home. A tremendous amount of fear surrounds this frail man, never able to express his love for another human being. However, that is about to change as his transformation takes flight.

THIS IS THE SCENARIO THE DAY HE DIED.. FRESH IN MY MEMORY.. LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY………..Dad had.. had a stroke and lay comatose in the hospital bed…completely paralyzed on the right side… unaware of anything or anyone… or so we thought!!!

I remember opening the door to his room.. no one was there.. just him and me…even though I think it odd that everyone has vanished for a few moments.. I am really quite grateful for this time alone…

I close the door softly behind me and pull up a chair. I know what to do next intuitively, as if an omnipotent presence is guiding me–I have no doubts or questions. All time and space feels suspended, as if we’re in another realm where absolutely anything is possible.

I bring my lips to his ear ever so gently and whisper “hi Dad, it’s me, Pat.” I have strong urge to touch his cheek, so I do so. I run my fingers along his newly shaven face and tell him how soft and supple he feels. The smell of his aftershave cologne seeps into my nasal passages and I’m reminded of how much time he used to spend looking in the mirror–hours and hours and hours, primping and fixing his hair. I chuckle for a minute and know he gets this.

I feel his locks of hair and see with my own eyes the beauty of this man–this man who gave me life, who brought me into this world. I lay my head on his chest and feel the beat of his heart as it pulsates through his body. It sends a warm vibration down my spine and into the core of my being. I have never connected with him on this level, yet there is a sense of deja vu. We have indeed been here before. Tears cascade down my face–I don’t even try to stop them… for they are tears of joy. This is a good memory, one I don’t want to forget.

I could feel his spiritual arms envelop and hold me tightly… I didn’t want to ever let him go. It was love, pure love.... For the first time in my life…(guess what happened)

  STAY TUNED FOR THE REST OF THE STORY….IT WILL BE IN MY BOOK…..I’M SMILING WITH GRATITUDE JUST REMEMBERING THE GIFTS I RECEIVED THAT MAGNIFICENT DAY!!!!!

If this brings back a memory for you.. share it .. please do.. as we are all on this journey together.. and together we can and will help each other heal…and have faith.. faith that in the midst of turmoil, love can prevail.. and that is where the miracles abound

IN LOVE AND LIGHT

 

 

© Patricia Bateson 2017
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